Godzilla Gets A Pet!
by Stupidfic
Summary: everyone's favorite dinosaur gets himself a new friend
1. dognapping

-1It was another typical day in Tokyo, Japan. The birds were signing, the flowers were blooming, and people ran away screaming as flaming debris fell behind him.

"GODZILLA!" shouted one fleeing civilian.

Yup, it was that time of the month again. The abnormally large lizard known as Godzilla was rampaging through buildings and squishing cars with his feet. But this disaster wasn't going to go on undisturbed, as the military came in with their state-of-the-art artillery.

A military commander yelled to his troops "fire at will!"

Rockets and laser beams flew in the air and struck the side of Godzilla's torso. In response to the ineffective attack, the scaled giant inhaled and blew a radiation beam at the artillery. In a matter of seconds, a convoy of tanks was reduced to ash. Godzilla got bored with this destruction and left Tokyo.

The military commander, who surprising survived the lizard's attack, dusted himself off and pulled out a radio. He spoke into it with the words "Godzilla is gone. Bring out the cardboard boxes and superglue for the repairs."

Meanwhile, Godzilla was walking around in the depths of the ocean with a big frown on his face. Believe it or not, Godzilla was very lonely. The poor creature is so big and too much of a threat to Earth that he never seems to have any friends. Maybe if he had a companion, he wouldn't always destroy Japan for shits and giggles.

The giant lizard decided to resurface on a nearby island. The island had a town, but it was too small to cause any exciting destruction, so he just stomped along without breaking anything. Godzilla considered this place a snooze fest, and was going to go back underwater until he heard a bark. A really big bark. The monster turned around and saw the greatest dog in the whole wide world. That dog was perfect for Godzilla, in fact, that canine was probably the only pet Godzilla could have without accidentally squishing.

Not taking the stealthy approach since he was motherfucking Godzilla, the reptile swiped the dog into his hands and took off. People shouted and yelled at the thieving monster, but couldn't do anything to stop him because he was motherfucking Godzilla! The island folk were shocked at this horrible crime, but one guy said what everyone was thinking:

"Oh snap! Godzilla just kidnapped Clifford the Big Red Dog!"

-

TBC


	2. rescue mission

In the White House, the President of the United States was reading an urgent letter:

_Dear Mister President, I have a problem that only you can solve. My pet dog Clifford has been taken by Godzilla, and I miss my dog very much. If I don't have Clifford back, I might grow up to be an emo and end up committing suicide. Hoping you will help, Emily Elizabeth._

Wiping a tear from his eye, the president said to himself "I will get Clifford back, because you can never decline a request from a cute little white girl! LET'S GO AFTER GODZILLA!"

"But sir, you sent all our troops to Iraq" said the Secretary of Defense, who was with the president for some reason.

"True, true" responded the president while rubbing his chin. "Then will leave the job to Bush's Ultimate Tactical Team!"

The Secretary of Defense gasped. "The B.U.T.T.? They'll get creamed by Godzilla!"

"Have faith in them like you have faith in me running this country!"

"If you insist sir."

Half an hour later, the entire squad of the B.U.T.T. was ready to go. The team consisted of Larry, the brawn of the team, Jerry, the brains of the team, and an original taco, which smelled really good.

Jerry spoke "alright team, we have rescue a big red dog from Godzilla. In order to successfully complete the mission, we'll need to get to Godzilla's sky fortress without any transportation."

Larry asked "wait, I thought lived in the ocean."

"Of course not! It's all polluted there, and how would he breath anyway moron?"

The taco stood there doing nothing.

The B.U.T.T. then begin to hike their way to Godzilla's lair by climbing up a magic beanstalk. Once they were high above the clouds, it wasn't very long to find the sky fortress. However, the only way inside was a huge steel door which they couldn't open.

"Let's blow up an opening!" said Larry who held a pack of dynamite.

Jerry shook his head. "Godzilla would hear the explosion. Hey, look! The taco found another way in!"

The brains of the team pointed to the open window the taco was standing next to. The three snuck inside, and saw Clifford locked up in a cage.

"Don't worry giant red doggy, we'll save you!" Larry shouted. He planted the dynamite and then pulled out a detonator.

"Wait! Don't-"

Jerry couldn't finish as an explosion knocked him down. He looked up to see the cage wrecked and Clifford free and unharmed.

"Dammit Larry, don't do anything stupid like that ever again! I guess I better signal the White House for a ride home."

Just as he was about to do so, he felt someone poking him in the back. Jerry turned around to see a very unhappy looking Godzilla staring right at him.

"Oh buttfuck."

-

TBC


	3. escape from Godzilla's wrath

-1The B.U.T.T. was in dire trouble. They were imprisoned in a cage of their own, and they watched Godzilla play fetch with Clifford. Once he was done playing with his pet, the big green monster would surely punish the intruders.

Larry sobbed "I have to go tinkle."

"Zip it, Larry" grumbled Jerry. "We can't just wait for our deaths, not if we were trained for dangerous missions such as this one. Think of a plan guys!"

The taco did nothing.

"Great idea taco! Alright Larry, melt an opening in the cage with your flamethrower."

The brawn of the group did so. The B.U.T.T. exited their prison, and thankfully Godzilla nor Clifford noticed them.

"Okay, I signaled for transportation and they'll arrive momentarily" Jerry informed his comrades. "Now how do we get Godzilla away from the big red dog?"

Larry raised his hand and said "ooooo! I know how!" He took out a sniper rifle and shot the back of Godzilla's head. The lizard turned around in anger and slowly lumbered to the escapees.

"What the hell were you thinking?!" shouted Jerry "if a dozen tanks can't stop Godzilla, then what good is a sniper bullet?"

"…Umm, because in video games headshots are instant kills?" Larry replied in uncertainty.

The soldiers got out of the way just as a radiation beam roasted the spot they were just in. While Godzilla decided to go after Larry, Jerry decided to take Clifford out the window the B.U.T.T. used to get inside. Outside, a plane big enough to fit a big red dog was waiting for it's passengers.

"Transportation has arrived" Jerry radioed to his teammates "now get your asses out of there!"

Larry didn't need to be told twice as he managed to evade Godzilla and jump out the window. Just as he was about to relax in the comfort of the plane, he gasped when he saw the taco fearlessly standing in the way of the giant dinosaur.

"Wait, we need to save the taco!" Larry shouted to his human partner.

"The taco has sacrificed itself to give us time to escape" Jerry sadly told Larry. "Hey pilot, now would be a good time to get us the fuck outta here!"

Larry mourned over the loss of the B.U.T.T. member as the transport took off. But he wasn't the only crying, as Godzilla was now sobbing for the friend he could have had. Ah well, at least he had this tasty-smelling taco.

Back at the White House, the plane landed and the cargo was greeted by the president and Clifford's original owner.

Emily Elizabeth hugged her dog and said "you saved Clifford! Thank you so much!"

The president shook the hands of his B.U.T.T. and said "good work soldiers, you made America very proud."

"It was hard work, sir" Larry told the president "we lost a wonderful friend and I realized I just pissed my pants."

"But at least the chaos is now over" Jerry said.

Suddenly, King Kong came out of nowhere and kidnap Emily Elizabeth. Why he kidnapped her is something you probably don't want to know.

Larry, Jerry, the president, and Clifford looked at each other and said "HERE WE GO AGAIN!"

-

END


End file.
